Where I Am Now

This is post five in a five post series about how I got to this point. If you'd like to read the whole story, you should start here.

So here I am. I moved into my new small apartment a month ago today, and my ex and I readjusted our child support situation. We couldn’t go by the state guidelines, like we had been planning, because that was one full (2 week) paycheck for him, and he couldn’t live on that. I sympathize.  But we found an amount that would balance both of our budgets. I started going to school again, part-time, mostly because I needed the GI Bill income. One day a week I’m not home until 10pm. Every other week, I spend another night out until 8:30pm, because I have therapy, and I can’t afford to miss it. If that makes me mentally weak, so be it. I know my limits a little better now.

Right now I can afford to pay for the electric at both locations, which is good because since I’m money-free, I have been moving all of my items over personally, one car load at a time. I have racked up a small personal loan with my best friend; he paid for the one trip moving truck we had, so that I could move all of the furniture we needed in one go. I don’t have a dishwasher, so I do my dishes by hand every night. I don’t have a washer or dryer either.

What I do have is $15,200 on my credit card with a $15,000 limit. I’m not behind in payments, but the interest kills me every time. My Target card with a limit of $3,000 has $3,500 on it, and I’m in arrears. I was hiding from creditor phone calls for a few months; last week I answered and told them not to call me again, but to only contact me by mail. I have a recurring medical bill of at least $120 a month; some months, when I need to see my psychiatrist for medication adjustments, it goes up to $160. I’m lucky I have health insurance; my premium is doubling this year, though. 

My car payments are going well; the loan is paid halfway down. But I’m getting nowhere fast. While I can barely make ends meet, I still make too much money to qualify for government subsidies, like free or reduced price lunch at school for the girls, or child care assistance. When the foreclosure finally settles, I’ll probably have thousands of dollars more in debt that I can’t afford to pay off. The ex suggested that he and I both file for bankruptcy. 

The idea fills me with horror. I searched the internet for hours, looking for a blog of someone, anyone, who had gone through this kind of situation. I just wanted to relate to someone. But there was nothing. So I've decided to fill that gap, and help someone else realize that they’re not alone. If you are going through this situation right now: You Are Not Alone. I'm right here with you. We'll make it through.